Greg Kinnear - Talk is cheap but it pays well
RT - Ricki Lake had a great show today--" Let Me Warn You About My Ex". There was physical violence.
GK - (excited) Really? They actually get hostile on the program? Then it'll be on Talk Soup. Two things virtually assure an appearance on the show: pushing and shoving or any mention of Talk Soup. It's the Soup creed.
RT - As the host, do you have any...
GK - First of all, don't expect anything as glamorous and obscenity-ridden as the Michael Hutchece interview in your December issue. What were you saying?
RT - Do you understand why people go on talk shows and invite the humiliation?
GK -They go on thinking they'll reveal much less than they ultimately do. There are people who like the idea of (in a Gomer Pyle voice) goin' on TV and gettin' a free trip to New York City and ridin'around in a limo. And they get on the show, the lights are blaring, three cameras are rolling, and suddenly they're blurting out: I'm a transsexual! The hosts have an amazing ability to pull out much more than the guest ever intended to reveal.
RT - I'm on ECHO, a computer bulletin board in New York, and you're a topic of great debate.
GK - Really! Got any for me?
RT - Here's one, in response to a negative comment: "I don't think he's warmed-over Letterman at all. I think he's brilliant."
GK- (dry) Terrific. That was my mother.
RT - Here's another. "I hate his handsome, yuppie-face smugness. He has one technique: Pause before the last word in a sentence. Yet I can't miss a show."
GK - (drier) And that was me, really down on myself one day.
RT - You have a staff assigned to watch the talk shows every day in search of clips. What do you do while they're working?
GK - (driest) Usually sunbathe on the roof. I try and distance myself from watching more than just the clips I use, for fear I might become a talk-show addict.
RT - What are you addicted to?
GK - Somebody accused me of being addicted to irony. I certainly hope not.
RT - That brings up an interesting question...
GK - Irony question number one!
RT - You're often compared to your fellow Indianan David Letterman. Were you influenced by him?
GK - I don't know if I can say that he was a specific influence, but I've certainly liked a lot of the stuff he's done over the years.
RT - Well done--you complimented him without fawning. Now that you're replacing Bob Costas as the host of Later, Let's say you get Elvis booked. What would you ask?
GK - Actually, we do have Elvis booked.
RT - Are you going to have a trademark question, like Barbara Walters' "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?"
GK - (long pause) "If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?"
RT - What happened to the rumors of you replacing Chevy Chase at Fox?
GK - It was a little too high-profile for me. I was looking for a quiet spot to work out the kinks for a few years. We're on at 1:35 in the morning. I'm competing against for Tony Robbins and GLH hair club for men. The Flowbee informercial concerns me most.
RT -Any concern that Later will turn you into what you've been mocking on Talk Soup.
GK -I don't feel like I mock any particular thing on Talk Soup, I make fun of outrageous topics, and the things people do and say on talk shows.
RT - It's a thin line between "making fun of outrageous topics" and "mocking."
GK - Well, I can assure you I'll never be carrying any cross-dressing transsexuals on Later with Greg Kinnear.
RT - The Washington Post said about you: "He looks like a guy who as a child would have been very successful at lying to adults."
GK - Guilty as charged. I wasn't very good at school, yet I was able to squeeze out adequate grades while doing as little work as possible. I grew up in Greece from seventh grade till I graduated high school, and we got almost zero American television. So I've never seen Punky Brewster. (Pause) This is fun, isn't it?
RT - Excuse me?
GK - Tuna Salad! I just realized the power I have. I can make any bizarre reference, and by the obligation of your writer's creed, you would have to print it.
RT - Yes, but it would help if it were glamorous or obscenity-ridden.
GK - Shit!
RT - You can do better than that. There's very little that's known about your personal life.
GK - Can we keep it that way?
RT - Are you single or married?
GK - Single. (Long pause).
RT - Uh, any pets?
GK - No, (long pause) We're back into these Barbara Walters questions.
RT - If I were Barbara Walters, I would say "Greg, it's clear that you're more comfortable talking about the show than you are about yourself."
GK - Look Barbara, I don't need this attitude from you. And yes, that's probably true.
RT - Okay then. Let's move into metaphysics. Is Geraldo Rivera going to heaven or hell?
GK - He'll go to heaven, for the people he's released from the bondage of not being able to discuss the issues he's gotten them to discuss. And he'll go to hell for the people he's had discuss issues they should never have discussed. Incidentally, that was very Barbara Walters of you. Maybe that will be my resident question on the new show.
RT - Do you have guests lined up for Later?
GK - No, I ‘m busy staffing the show.
RT - I hear Conan O'Brien may need a job soon.
GK - That's not very nice. In fact, Conan called last week to congratulate me. He was really cool. Not only do I not watch a lot of daytime shows, I don't watch a lot of late-night shows. I read a lot. Speaking of writing--Talk Soup: The Book--how's that sound?
RT - Authorship seems so unimpressive now that Beavis and Butt-head have a book.
GK - Last summer there were two stories on one page of Newsweek--one for Talk Soup and one for Beavis and Butt-head, and we had about a quarter-inch more space than they did. It was one of the great achievements of my career.
RT - This question was inevitable: If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?
GK - A ficus. Because while the branches are brown and sturdy, the leaves are weak and feeble. God bless you, America. Good night.